Tomorrow I’ll probably post a cute photo of me with the kids blowing out my candles.
But today… I’m quietly trying not to cry in my coffee.

Because it’s my birthday.
And birthdays are hard when you’ve got ADHD - especially the rejection-sensitive kind.

Every year, I tell myself this will be the year I won’t overthink it.
That I won’t count the messages, check who’s remembered, or feel that familiar sting when someone forgets.
And the generic Facebook "happy birthday" text? Don't get me started.
But the reality?
My brain doesn’t do chill.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is this fun little party trick where your nervous system reacts like you’ve been punched in the chest… over something that other people may not even think twice about.
Someone doesn’t text back fast enough? Spiral.
A friend forgets your birthday? Huge spiral.
Someone says “no” and you feel like you’re ten years old again being left out at lunch.

It’s not attention-seeking - it’s the nervous-system-freaking.

Last week I listened to the ADHD Besties Podcast and finally found words for what I’ve felt my whole life around birthdays.
The episode aptly named Why birthdays make us cry – ADHD and rejection sensitivity absolutely nailed it.
And actually, it helped me explain to my family why I get so emotional every year, and I obsess over everything that happens or doesn't happen exactly as I had hoped, and that it’s not about getting expensive gifts or being the centre of attention.
It’s about my brain translating “well-meant gestures” into “they don't actually care about you at all”.

Therapy’s been teaching me a few things about handling the spiral:

• Name it to tame it: “This is RSD talking, not reality.”

• Don’t react while you’re flooded: walk, box-breathe, put your legs up the wall and listen to some binaural beats... if it's face-to-face it's still incredibly hard for me to pause..... but I'm much better via text, and practise makes perfect.

• Later that night, I'll practise the Tara Brach "RAIN" technique that I blogged about for 2024's Mental Health Month - recognise, allow, investigate & nurture. It's great - you should 1000% try it.

The more I understand it, the less power it has.
I can’t stop the feelings, but I can choose what I do with them.

So yeah. It’s my birthday today.
I’m 39, a little strung out, and RSD’ing all over the place 🤦🏼♀️🫠

If you want to help my dopamine levels, you know what to do:
Buy my stuff 😂
Because every purchase supports mental-health charity LIVIN… and because it’s my birthday.