⚠️ Trigger Warning:

This post discusses ADHD, child behavioural challenges, mental health, post-natal depression, suicidality, self harm and medications. If these topics feel heavy right now, please take care of yourself and come back when you’re ready. You’re not alone 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

Double ADHD: Raising Kids When Your Brain’s On Fire

When my first born was 11.5 months old, I called PANDA in crisis. Don't get me wrong - they are a wonderful organisation doing amazing things and I whole-heartedly support them.  However, on that particular day, for this particular shell of a human, the advice they gave me was to “put the baby in his crib where he’s safe, go into the hallway and do deep breathing while counting to 10.”

I remember thinking, who the **** does that actually work for?!?!?!?! And if that’s the best strategy available to me right now….......
Well, let's just say it was a pretty bleak outlook.

Even then, I had a gut feeling that things were harder for him than for other babies, and that parenting was harder for me than it seemed to be for the other mums. I now know why... My son was diagnosed earlier this year with severe combined ADHD with the extra-spicy oppositional defiance disorder, anxiety, and knock-on self-esteem issues. He’s almost 7 now, and I’ve been passionately advocating for him since he was 3. I’m so glad I trusted my instincts and didn't take advice like "parenting is hard, we're ALL going through the same thing, just think 'this too shall pass' ".

Why early diagnosis matters (and why it’s not “a trendy label”)

The earlier we understand what’s happening, the better our outcomes - emotionally, academically, and physically. ADHD isn’t just about distraction or energy; it’s a neurodevelopmental condition that affects self-regulation, emotional control, impulse control, and executive function.  And it can have serious long-term health implications.

A British Journal of Psychiatry study found that even adults with diagnosed ADHD have a significantly reduced life expectancy than neurotypical adults.  On average, 6.78 years less for men, & 8.64 years less for women. Undiagnosed + untreated ADHD'ers are living even shorter lives.

This is largely due to preventable health, lifestyle, and comorbidity factors, such as higher rates of mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and addiction, which has a knock-on effect to higher incarceration rates and substance use disorders. Diagnosis isn’t about excuses or joining the rapidly expanding bandwagon - it’s about understanding and support.

ADHD looks different in boys and girls

Boys are often diagnosed earlier because their ADHD tends to show up externally: the stereotypical hyperactivity & impulsivity, aka “bad” behaviour. Girls, on the other hand, are more likely to be daydreamers, perfectionists, or people-pleasers, aka predominantly "well-behaved" children, who fly under the radar.

The diagnostic bias is huge. ADHD was not even considered as a female-condition until 2003 🤯

22 years ago

🤯🤯🤯

And are still diagnosed, on average, 5 years later than boys - because of the typical presentation of girls vs boys.

The risk for girls? (Put your hand up if you feel all the feelings with this one).
"Chronic low self-esteem, underachievement, anxiety, depression, teen pregnancy, early smoking during middle school and high school", which leads to increased rates of "divorce, financial crises, single-parenting a child with ADHD, never completing [school or higher education], underemployment, substance abuse, eating disorders and constant stress due to difficulty in managing the demands of daily life - which overflow into the difficulties of their children, 50% of whom are likely to have ADHD as well".  Thanks Kathleen Nadeau, PhD.

How you feeling right now??? 🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️

So, parents of girls: check out Find the ADHD Girls - it’s a brilliant resource helping parents and teachers identify the less “obvious” presentations.

The three types of ADHD (both my son and I have combined-type)

Type	Common Traits
Predominantly Inattentive	Forgetful, daydreamy, struggles to focus or complete tasks, appears “lazy” but is often overwhelmed. Report card: "Natasha is a bright young woman who would see enormous results if she just applied herself". 🙄
Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive	Always on the move, blurts out answers, struggles with patience, impulsive decisions or emotional reactions. Report card: "Natasha is a spirited student who is an active participant in group discussions, but often disrupts her classmates". 🙄
Combined Type	A mix of both: high energy (importantly this could manifest physically OR mentally), distractibility, emotional volatility, impulse control issues, executive function challenges.  See also: chronically in detention for being late, forgetting her homework, arguing with teachers, sent outside for being disruptive, overweight, petty theft, crying in the bathroom, difficulty maintaining close relationships, saturday detention for having a literal fist fight with another girl aka my 'best friend' who chronically gaslit me, self-harm, suicidality, insomnia, and forever referred to by my loving but probably traumatised speech and drama teacher as "The Queen of the Last Minute". 🙋🏼♀️ I've worn that as a badge of honour ever since....

Needless to say, I never wanted this life for my kids.  I remember telling my husband before we had kids, I hoped they would look like me but have his personality - which he was initially offended by 😂 - but I was so scared that I would pass down my mental health problems (a looong list of varying diagnoses, but never ADHD).  Unfortunately, that's not how genetics work - the older my little boy got, the more I saw myself in him - and was genuinely terrified.  But when he was diagnosed I suddenly thought, "hang on, maybe I'm more like him, than he's like me"... a month later I had my own psychiatrist appointment, and subsequent diagnosis.

 

Our journey with early intervention

We started with our local NSW Health Early Intervention program through our community health team when my little man was around three (I can't find the exact resource to link, but I think I spoke to our local Child & Family Health team at Mudgee hospital, see also raisingchildren.net.au). That led to NDIS support: psychology, OT, and speech therapy for almost two years. Recently, he was taken off NDIS because severe-combined ADHD isn't "bad enough" to warrant NDIS support (don’t get me started), so we’re now shifting to a Mental Health Care Plan through our GP for 10 Medicare-rebated psychology sessions.

After seeing our general psychologist and OT for a year, we got a formal ADHD diagnosis through a child psychologist, followed by a paediatrician who manages his stimulant medication (Ritalin twice daily FYI). Every step of that process was time consuming and annoyingly repetitive, and at times I had to advocate for him louder than I feel anyone should have to in 2025, but it was worth it.  And once we were both officially diagnosed (literally weeks apart) we celebrated with a cake & blew out the candles together, which I highly recommend.

How to start the process (without losing your mind)

• Start with your GP - you can ask for a referral for an ADHD assessment, a mental health treatment plan for access to medicare-rebated therapy sessions, and to discuss other support services available in your area.
• You can speak to a GP via telehealth, the one I'm using to get a Mental Health Treatment Plan is 100% bulk billed by phone via Hola Health.  I've heard they can also do referral letters to psychiatrists, paediatricians, etc.
• For adult psychiatry assessments, I went privately through Positive Mind Works (approx. $3,000 with GP referral).  Getting an appointment was really easy and the wait time was only a few weeks.
• Little ones: check if your local public hospital offers Early Intervention programs for developmental or behavioural support, I'd start with the Child & Family Health team, or community nursing.
• For girls specifically, checkout Find the ADHD Girls for resources and community.

Podcasts & resources to learn more

• The Imperfects - Episode "Janelle Booker - Living With ADHD" - essential listening for anyone who has ADHD or loves someone who does.
• ADHD Chatter - Episode "4 Late diagnosed ADHD women share life hacks | Christmas special" - one of the first podcasts I listened to after my diagnosis. Never felt so seen.
• Stompcast - Episodes on March 10/11/12th 2025 feat. Alex Partridge - two of my favourite ADHD & mental health advocacy instagrammers coming together in one podcast.

Final thoughts

Parenting with ADHD while raising an ADHD child is like trying to build the plane while you’re flying it.  And if either of you, or both, are undiagnosed: it's also like one of the engine's is on fire, and no one is in the control tower.
You will lose your temper. You will feel enormous guilt. And you will think, more than once, that you’re a terrible parent. But I reckon if you're worried about all that - you're already a great parent, you just need the right support.  (FYI my support is vyvanse, sertraline & lamotrigine, podcasts, audiobooks, & long-term psychology).

Your instincts are valid. Early help matters. And you are not broken - you’re just wired differently, raising a little human who is too.

And do everyone a solid: if this story resonated with you, or you know someone who might benefit from this information, please share it with them.  And if you want to help me support mental health programs across Australia, every Pebbly Path treat helps fund education and advocacy through LIVIN. #itaintweaktospeak